Celebrity News & Gossip

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Orlando Bloom (the perverted looking guy in the hat) was spotted leaving Club Hyde with Penelope Cruz, sparking rumors - most of which I”m starting right this second - that they”re having lots and lots of sex. Most likely anal. And why would I say such horrible and disgusting things? Because I want whatever it is Matthew McConaughey has turned into to chase down Orlando Bloom and fist fight him to death for having anal sex with his ex-girlfriend. Plus a witness tells me Orlando called Matthew a “sissy girlie-man with the physique of a 13-year-old girl.” And gay. He also said he was gay. More of Orlando and Penelope sneakily driving off together in Orlando”s car after the jump. UPDATE: Maybe Matthew can just beat Orlando to death with his gigantic penis. Stuffing one sock down there usually does the trick, man. I think eight might be a bit excessive. Thanks to Aaron for the tip.